Good morning from 35,000 feet. As promised, I have quite the
story for you.
My flight out of Atlanta was scheduled to leave around 7:30,
meaning I needed to get the airport around 6 because Atlanta is crazy. My
parents and I came to Atlanta last night, knowing that a three-hour drive from
Greenville at 3 a.m. did not sound appealing. As we got ready to leave the
hotel this morning our car died…only to miraculously start after I was already
on the shuttle and running late. Thankfully I made it through the world’s
longest security line and to my gate just as they began to board.
Let me introduce you to the other occupants of row 30. In
seat A is 8-year-old Joselyn. In seat B is her 5-year-old sister Alisha. In row
C is Margaret. Joselyn and Alisha explained to me that they are on their way to
visit their grandmother at Disney Land (“But we really just want to meet Elsa,
but don’t tell her that.”) The stewardess explained to me that they are
unaccompanied minors and the flight crew would be keeping an eye on them during
the flight.
I’m not sure where the flight crew has been for the last
three and a half hours, but so far this has been the most hilarious and
entertaining flight I’ve ever been on (and I’ve been on quite a few. Remember
the honeymooners of last summer?) Here’s what’s happening:
1. Combined, the girls have eaten:
·
A box of Oreos
·
A bag of Doritos (more on this later)
·
Two packs of gum (minus one piece that Alisha
put in my mouth when I stupidly thought this flight might involve a nap)
·
Two airplane snack boxes (containing crackers,
pepperoni, cheese, candy, trailmix, chips, and a cookie)
·
Four cups of apple juice
2. The girls have not had to use the restroom. This is a
miracle, but I still have an hour and half left.
3. The three of us (and the two little boys behind us) are
completely covered in orange dust from the aforementioned Doritos.
4. When asked what they’d like to watch they chose a
documentary on Alaskan crab fishing.
5. The man whose chair Alisha keeps kicking asked my to
please control my daughter.
6. They have played every game on my iPad.
7. J & A just finished singing through the Frozen
soundtrack and accompanying themselves with their tic-tacs.
8. We have planned out their weddings, which are, you
guessed it, Frozen themed. I’ve been asked to play the tic-tacs at the
weddings.
I’m running out of ideas on how to keep up morale on Row 30
for the remainder of the flight.
Nevermind, I’ve just been cast as Sven the Reindeer in the
Row 30 Classic Player’s version of Frozen. The other two members of the group
will be taking on all the other roles. I’m really just the understudy for Sven. The
pilot was their first choice, but Joselyn said, “you’re better than crashing.”
This has been flight number one. Join us in San Francisco
for the big trek across the ocean.
